tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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