what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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