When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
