I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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