I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
