and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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