i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
