if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
