You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
