Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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