oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize