2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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