In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
