dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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