Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
