Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
