I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
