I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
