im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
