he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
40s are totally the cure
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
