That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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