I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
