dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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