After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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