i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
worst night to have a conscience
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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