Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
