he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
