margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
