I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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