It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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