my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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