i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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