Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
