I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
