Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
