Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sext me about skeletons
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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