I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
