I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
