me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
