Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
