i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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