Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
