FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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