Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
