At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
