Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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