I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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