I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
