she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
