he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
