I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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