i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
