too bad you live with your parents still
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
