We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
