I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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