I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
