ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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