Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The Olympian is in my bed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
PANTIES FOUND
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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