I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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