Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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