Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
