So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
