i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
