What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
