Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
