When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
