we're chasing vodka with high fives
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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