The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
