absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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