i already hear my dad disowning me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
