They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
