who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
