I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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