I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
