you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
