The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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