I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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