meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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