just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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