you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
