he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
