if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's get the cat blown out
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize