Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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