So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
